IM's with Sans
by Ravens dark master
Summary: When Sans and the underground crew get hooked on instant messaging, it isn't hard for everyone to tell when Sans is in one of his "moods". Follow along and watch as Sans brings everyone to their knees with his annoying ways. (OOC By a lot, but still funny)
1. Chara

**BlueSkele98:** **Opened Chat**

 **Gr33nD3ath:** **Signed on**

 **Blueskele98:** Hey kiddo

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I'm not a kid.

 **BlueSkele98:** Hey not a kid, I'm Sans

 **Gr33nD3ath:** Sans! I have a name!

 **BlueSkele98:** No it's actually "Sans Gaster" but thanks for tryin

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I swear to god.

 **BlueSkele98:** Language!

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I'm not twelve, I could you kill you with one hit!

 **BlueSkele98:** Do you wanna have a bad time, kid?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I'M NOT A KID!

 **BlueSkele98:**...

 **Gr33nD3ath:** PUT ME DOWN SANS!

 **Blueskele98:** "You're mean and no one wants to play with you" is that downputting enough?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I WILL KILL YOU!

 **BlueSkele98:** What these aren't tickling your _RIBS_?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** PUT ME THE F*CK DOWN I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU

 **BlueSkele98:** Hey I thought these were humerous...

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I WILL THROW MY KNIFE AT YOU

 **BlueSkele98:** And when you miss…?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I WON'T MISS YOU BLUE WHORE

 **BlueSkele98:** That was one time and she was pretty fine

 **Gr33nD3ath:** OH MY F*CKING GOD

 **BlueSkele98:** What? Jealous you weren't invited to the Bone Zone?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** Put me down ... ….. please

 **Blueskele98:** Aight

 **Gr33nD3ath:** YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DROP ME YOU F*CKING IDOT

 **BlueSkele98:** Idot? As in I dot, you dot, we all dot?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** IDIOT*

 **BlueSkele98:** Are you on your "."?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** My dot? I don't get it?

 **BlueSkele98:** "."

 **Gr33nD3ath:** My red dot?

 **BlueSkele98:** C'mon kid what do you call the dot?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** The end of a sentence?

 **BlueSkele98:** *Rolls eyes* And you call me the "Idot"

 **Gr33nD3ath:** OH MY GOD SANS YOU F*CKING! LKANFHUADJAIUSD SANS!

 **Blueskele98:** That's my name don't wear it out

 **Gr33nD3ath:** IF I WAS STILL MERGED WITH ASRIEL I SWEAR

 **BlueSkele98:** You swear without being merged with him

 **Gr33nD3ath:** YOU FAT BLUE BASTARD

 **BlueSkele98:** You do realize i'm a skeleton right?

 **Gr33nD3ath:** YEAH A FAT ONE

 **BlueSkele98:** Big Boned*

 **Gr33nD3ath:** FOR A SKELETON YOU SURE WEIGH A SKELE-TON

 **BlueSkele98:** looks like I'm rubbing off on you

 **Gr33nD3ath:** *Facepalms* F*ck you, F*ck your brother… F*ck it all

 **BlueSkele98:** I thought you couldn't fuck me, remember? You're locked out of the Bone Zone

 **Gr33nD3ath:** I'm going to kill myself

 **Gr33nD3ath** **has signed off**


	2. Goat Mom & Dad

**BlueSkele98:** **Opened Chat**

 **GoatMother64:** **Joined Chat**

 **BlueSkele98:** What do you call a group of unorganized cats?

 **GoatMother64:** I don't know, what?

 **BlueSkele98:** A _cat-_ astrophe

 **GoatMother64:** Pfft hehe good one Sans, Knock Knock!

 **BlueSkele98:** Who's there?

 **GoatMother64:** Little old lady

 **BlueSkele98:** Little old lady who?

 **GoatMother64:** Why I didn't know you could yodel!

 **BlueSkele98:** Heh niice how many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?

 **GoatMother64:** How many?

 **BlueSkele98:** _Ten-_ tickles!

 **GoatMother64:** Hehe I love these puns, Why did the skeleton want a friend?

 **BlueSkele98:** why?

 **GoatMother64:** Because she was BONE-ly

 **BlueSkele98:** That one really hit my funny bone! Why did the bicycle fall over?

 **GoatMother64:** Why?

 **BlueSkele98:** Because it was two tired!

 **GoatMother64:** That's great! Some call me Torial, but…...

 **BlueSkele98:** but what?

 **GoatMother64:** Frisk calls me TU-TORIAL

 **BlueSkele98:** Haha they are one of a kind, how is the kid?

 **GoatMother64:** They're a bit of a handful, but great with all of you to help with them! I think a certain Golden Flower has some feelings towards them.

 **BlueSkele98:** Oh does he now?

 **GoatMother64:** I believe so but don't quote me on it

 **BlueSkele98:** I guess I'll have to chat with him about that. Oh and Tori?

 **GoatMother64:** Yes, Sans?

 **BlueSkele98:** I'm glad we can still be friends, not everyone finds my jokes humerous

 **GoatMother64:** Hehe yeah

 **FlowerMan43** **:** **Joined Chat**

 **GoatMother64:** I'm going to kill myself

 **GoatMother64:** **Has Left**

 **BlueSkele98:** I-uh Dude?

 **FlowerMan43** **:** I'm going to kill myself

 **FlowerMan43** **:** **Has abandoned the chat and his hopes.**


	3. Flowey

**BlueSkele98:** **Opened Chat**

 **GoldenFriendliness:** **Joined Chat**

 **BlueSkele98** **:** I doubt you should have friendliness in your name

 **GoldenFriendliness:** What why not? ****

 **BlueSkele98:** Muffet is friendlier to spider killers than you are to anyone

 **GoldenFriendliness:** That is not true! Muffet is terrifying, I'm just a flower. ****

 **BlueSkele98:** More like a weed

 **GoldenFriendliness:** I am so much better than a weed! I can talk… and stuff ****

 **BlueSkele98:** A yellow flower that pops up everywhere? And that keeps coming back after ya kill it? Sound like a dandelion which is in fact a weed.

 **GoldenFriendliness:** I CAN MANAGE SAVE/RESET FILES! ****

 **BlueSkele98:** WEEED

 **GoldenFriendliness:** POWERFUL FLOWER! ****

 **BlueSkele98:** Suuuuuuure

 **GoldenFriendliness:** Yeah and what are you some jacked up marrow in a sweater? ****

 **BlueSkele98:** It's a jacket

 **GoldenFriendliness:** I AM THE PRINCE OF THIS WORLDS FUTURE ****

 **BlueSkele98:** And I've boned your mom kid

 **GoldenFriendliness:** You WHAT MY MOM  
 **  
** **BlueSkele98:** She got a one time trip to the Bone Zone

 **GoldenFriendliness:** One time trip!? WHAT MY MOM ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!? ****

 **BlueSkele98:** She was a good laugh kid, but besides that...

 **GoldenFriendliness:** WHAT THE HELL? ****

 **BlueSkele98:** She and I didn't work out, which is good for you. I would'a made you call me daddy

 **GoldenFriendliness:** I WOULD NEVER FULFILL YOUR DADDY KINKS YOU FUCKING FURRY ****

 **BlueSkele98:** Oh God kid, get your mind outta the gutter

 **GoldenFriendliness:** GET YOUR MIND INTO THE GUTTER! **  
**

 **BlueSkele98:** I doubt Frisk would approve of that

 **GoldenFriendliness:** SO? WHY WOULD I WANT FRISK TO CARE I HATE THEM ****

**BlueSkele98:** Suuuuuuuuuuuuure ya do kid

 **GoldenFriendliness:** I hate ALL OF YOU ****

 **BlueSkele98:** Even Daddy Sansy?

 **GoldenFriendliness:** Kill yourself you filthy animal ****

 **BlueSkele98:** I'm not the animal… but your mom….

 **GoldenFriendliness:** MY MOTHER IS THE QUEEN DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT ****

 **BlueSkele98:** Yo even Frisk tried to tap that a$$ Flirting and all while calling her mother

 **GoldenFriendliness:** Does Frisk even care about me? NOT THAT I CARE I MEAN! ****

 **BlueSkele98:** You tried to kill them and then kill all their friends

 **GoldenFriendliness:** Aaaannnnd? **  
**

 **BlueSkele98:** No _boney_ likes that

 **GoldenFriendliness:** I'm going to kill myself. BUT NOT BECAUSE OF THAT! Because of something… NOT… Frisk related!

 **BlueSkele98:** C'mon kid

 **GoldenFriendliness:** **Has logged off**


	4. Frisk

**BlueSkele98:** **Opened Chat**

 **DeterminedHuman:** **Joined Chat**

 **BlueSkele98:** Hey kid

 **DeterminedHuman:** Hey Sans

 **BlueSkele98:** Heard you were getting real busy lately

 **DeterminedHuman:** What do you mean?

 **BlueSkele98:** With all your dates and all

 **DeterminedHuman:** Dates? I went on one with Papyrus.

 **BlueSkele98:** And?

 **DeterminedHuman:** You're acting like I have more?

 **BlueSkele98:** Yeah kid

 **DeterminedHuman:** I am confused?

 **BlueSkele98:** Paps saw you with Alphys

 **DeterminedHuman:**.Oh I was preparing her to ask out Undyne, we both know they have a thing for each other and all!

 **BlueSkele98:** sure kid, I believe you

 **DeterminedHuman:** Good!

 **BlueSkele98:** What about that yellow weed of yours?

 **DeterminedHuman:** What do you mean?

 **BlueSkele98:** Well we all know he's majorly crushin on you

 **DeterminedHuman:** OH MY GOD!

 **BlueSkele98:** Yeah I would say he's _Head over heels_ but he doesn't have the _body_ for that

 **DeterminedHuman:** OH NO! I FEEL TERRIBLE THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY PACIFIST RUN!

 **BlueSkele98:** What kid?

 **DeterminedHuman:** Nothin...

 **BlueSkele98:** Eh

 **DeterminedHuman:** Wrong chat sorry

 **BlueSkele98:** Okay… I'm gonna have to keep an _eye socket_ out for whatever that was

 **DeterminedHuman:** I can reset, we can do this all again!

 **BlueSkele98:** KID?

 **DeterminedHuman:** I'll make it right Sans!

 **BlueSkele98:** C'mon kid, you're getting real scary

 **DeterminedHuman:** Sorry Aaron stole my phone

 **BlueSkele98:** Aaron? What are you doing with that Horse dick anyways?

 **DeterminedHuman:** Yeah, language, and he decided we should have another flex off! ;););)

 **BlueSkele98:** Yeah and if that prick tries something I'll flex his face off

 **DeterminedHuman:** Sans your puns are really bad today

 **BlueSkele98:** So many people have died kid and you care about my skele-puns?

 **DeterminedHuman:** Wait what?

 **BlueSkele98:** Nothing

 **DeterminedHuman:** Okay! Aww Aaron flexed himself out of the room again

 **BlueSkele98:** n00b get dunked on

 **DeterminedHuman:** What?

 **BlueSkele98:** Heh not really

 **DeterminedHuman:** Huh?

 **BlueSkele98:** nothin kid

 **DeterminedHuman:** Okay then!

 **BlueSkele98:** So yeah the talking weed likes you

 **DeterminedHuman:** Oh great more flirting to do

 **BlueSkele98:** "Who raised this child!"

 **DeterminedHuman:** Uh mom of course

 **BlueSkele98:** The one that sat in a pile of sugar?

 **DeterminedHuman:** She ….told you? /./

 **BlueSkele98:** Yeah she tells me everything kid

 **DeterminedHuman:** Oh god, guess I'll have to kill myself.

 **BlueSkele98:** C'mon you two kid?

 **DeterminedHuman:** **Has lost their determination**


	5. Alphys

**BlueSkele98:** **Opened Chat**

 **KissyKissyMewMewScientist:** **Joined Chat**

 **BlueSkele98:** How are those experiments?

 **KissyKissyMewMewScientist:** O-oh u-uh well

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 **BlueSkele98:** Alphys...

 **KissyKissyMewMewScientist:** **Has deleted all social media**

 **A/N: I'm sorry you had to read this.**


End file.
